1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
