just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
