Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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