can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
