My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
