he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
