my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
