If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
