I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
