If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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