i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
