it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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