Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
