Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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