she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
