Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
