Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
