i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
