OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
