I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
