so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
