I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
