You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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