I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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