You can't special order awesome
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
