The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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