im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
