It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize