non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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