If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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