I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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