I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
