Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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