Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
