Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
