I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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