I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
