...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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