just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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