We should be called the Road Head Warriors
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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