You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
