May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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