I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize