i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
