11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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