dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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