My pussy is not your playground.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
