Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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