Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
