it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
