My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize