I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
