Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
