I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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