we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You took a bar mat shot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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