I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
