upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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