I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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