meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
