he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
