just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
