You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
