I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
