Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
