Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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