guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The feeling are messing with the penis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize