just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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