I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
