3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
