WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
