a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We got so high we made milksteak
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
